The Art of Misunderstanding - Act I - part 1

(Albert and Phoebe are sitting on the porch of the red house. When Phoebe starts to speak, she stands up and walks around the stage)

Phoebe

My dear fellow, have you ever thought about marriage?

Albert

Why yes, the thought has occurred!(He takes an engagement ring out of his pocket and shows it to the audience. He drops to one knee behind Phoebe, where she cannot see him.)

Phoebe 

(giggles)Me too. I have even prepared a little list of who I wouldn’t want to tie the knot with! For instance, I would certainly say no to a person who theatrically drops down on one knee!

(Albert quickly stands up.)

Phoebe

Moreover, I would prefer if my future husband did not possess a crimson-coloured hat with a chrysanthemum on it!

(Albert gasps at the accuracy and throws away a hat that looks exactly as Phoebe described.)

Phoebe

Last but not least, no man with a goatee shall approach me!

(Albert tears off his own goatee and cries out in pain. Phoebe turns around and claps her hands in shock.)

Phoebe

Oh my goodness, my friend, you are quite the colour of a tomato! It certainly must be this summer heat! You should go inside!

Albert

(with tears in his eyes)I am fine, I assure you! It is nothing but the anger!

Phoebe

Anger?

Albert

Yes! Your depiction of such horrendous men has made me fumble! Who would grow a goatee today, am I right?

Phoebe

Yes, exactly! Oh Albert, you understand me so well! You are such a good pal! Nevertheless, I must write in my journal now. See you later!

(Phoebe runs into the red house. Albert slowly drags himself into the neighbouring green house.)

..........................................................................................................................................................

(Inside Albert’s house. He shouts.)

Albert

WINSTON!

(No reply. Albert continues shouting “Winston” as he jumps up and down in frustration, until Winston finally appears, looking bored.)

Winston

You called for me, sire?

Albert

Where in tarnation have you been?

Winston

Only in the neighbouring room.

Albert

So you must have heard me!

Winston

Yes. I heard my name. Pray tell, sire, is it too hot here? You are quite the colour of a tomato.

Albert

(stuttering with anger)What? I am not red! Red! Winston, fetch me some tea instead of observing what you shouldn’t!

Winston

As you wish, sire. Not that it would be anything new.(He exits.)

(Albert approaches a mirror carefully and examines his face. It is, indeed, red.)

(Winston peeks his head inside.)

Winston

I am terribly sorry to hear that the wedding is not happening today.

Albert

How do you know?

Winston

You would have asked for whisky to celebrate.

Albert

I am not drinking tea because I’m sad!

Winston

Then why not whisky?

Albert

I have work tomorrow. I can’t drown my sorrow in alcohol!

Winston

With all due respect, sire, I am a tad confused. Your sorrow would be drowned –  not yourself. You would remain completely functional at work.

Albert

Winston…!

Winston

One cube or two?

...................................................................................................................................................

Balázs-Blénessy-Pataki Kincső XII. R